I remember a few months ago pulling over on the side of the road in my old neighborhood racked with tears, hardly able to breathe. I prayed this prayer "God, if You can hear me, PLEASE give me some clarity. My eyes are so clouded it's as thick as the Mississippi mud and my heart doesn't know which way to turn. Please God, can you hear me? If so, send an answer." And He did. Now I am not here to tell you what you should or shouldn't believe in, my belief system is just that...MINE. But I know where I was then and I know where I'm at now and although some days can be rough, the waters have cleared considerably.
I have been shown that I AM a good person, not perfect but I try and I'm trying harder each day that I'm blessed with to learn and apply. I've learned to be more open and honest with those around me. Most of the people in my life haven't liked that new side of me...but I have to be true to myself. I have to start with liking who I am- embracing who Taina is, not what other people want Taina to be. I have seen much clarity as to where I came from, the things that happened in my past that damaged me and how it damaged the life I went on to live...damage by the bucket loads. I've decided to stop that cycle. I've taken steps to embrace what is going on in life, physically, spiritually and emotionally with me, work through those issues with as much honesty as I can with myself and really see where I need to apply more work. It isn't always easy to look at yourself with clarity and truth. However, the past is the past, it must be forgiven and the slate wiped clean on my own self as well as those who have hurt me for me to move forward. Although this part is a daily struggle, I remind myself each day I AM WORTH THE EFFORT and to not allow words to sting me as much as they use to. I am only in control of my own personal space and I'm trying to make it a nice place to want to visit.
I know (much more than I use to) what I want out of life and who I'd like beside me on that path. That part isn't easy either as not all parties at this time and place are willing participants in any type of peace treaty. But I have an abundance of faith, I've always been optimistic and I refuse to give up on any of them, but I can't fix them either, they have to find their footing themselves. I have the clarity of vision to know that I'm not always going to be strong enough to handle some things that come down life's highway, that's when I look up and ask Him to be strong enough for the both of us. I refuse to be classified as seeing through "rose colored glasses" or a "Pollyanna" type of person just because I choose happiness, peace, understanding, forgiveness and love. I am who I am. I am strong as I am weak, I can smile brightly as well as cry a river of tears, I can fall down, but I get up, I might wobble, but I keep going. I am Taina...I love with all I have and I won't apologize for wearing my heart on my sleeve. I can see clearly now that I'm on the right path and it will eventually lead to greener pastures, with flowers all around and blessings in abundance. Believe and you shall receive. Ready...set...PUSH FORWARD.
Thanks for stopping by my friends. Remember that you are important, loved and appreciated! Have a great week..make it count!