GBE Week 20--- BALANCE

Balance...what the heck is that? Beats me! I no more know about balance than the man in the moon. I am instantaneous, I can't balance my checkbook for the life of me, I don't follow the food pyramid (the new one or the old ones) for a "balanced" diet....DIET...it starts with the word DIE for Pete's sake!  I forget to call friends that are in hard times, I forget what months I'm on the food ministry (thank goodness for reminder emails), I forget to do the homework assignment for my class! Yeah-that word balance, the word gives me hives.

I went to services tonight and the topic was boldness, then the pastor went on to say (as I was getting my bold act all ready in my head) that sometimes we beat things into the ground and repeat and repeat and don't turn our focus on the man upstairs. Again, a balancing act. To be bold, but be bold about the right things...but what ARE the right things? Am I hearing me, OR am I hearing Him? Sigh...I am a work in progress. I think I will remain so until my last breath. Hopefully a work that is learning a better way to live, a better way to treat others and myself. But it seems to always boil down to a balancing act. And I think I have vertigo...of life.

Maybe the most important thing about balance is to keep trying. Don't give in, don't break during the storm but learn to bend. Believe in what you believe and don't stop trying to find that balance that works just for you. Hey, a girl can hope can't she? Remember you are important and you are loved. Have a good week my friends.

GBE 2 Loyalty

This week's assignment with the writing group GBE 2 is "LOYALTY". After thinking on this for a while I decided to write about the two things in life lately that have been a constant source of loyalty for me. I hope you enjoy my little story.

On nights when I can't sleep, I feel two things close by, one right beside me, warm and comforting, the other in my heart telling me that all things in life happen for a reason and that I do not walk alone on this journey called life.

When tears fall freely down my face and it seems that I can't get control of them, I feel that warm body next to me, instantly knowing I need some love and comfort. I also feel in my soul Him who tells me that He also is right beside me and won't walk away, no matter what I have said or done...past or present.

Days and nights when the pain in my body sometimes get to be so unbearable and I wonder if I am strong enough to stand it, or will it ever let up? Again, I feel that loving constant warmth that seems to know that I am in pain and might need a nudge to let me know I'm not alone at all...cuddling up next to me either in bed or on the sofa or recliner. And the quiet voice in my heart that says "child, have faith and hold tight; better days are coming". And I know I'll be okay.

My sweet Teaza, a gift to me 8 years ago that has been my constant source of unconditional love. She sits by my side on the floor, lies by my side in bed or sits in the recliner as I read. It doesn't matter to her if I'm happy, sad, crying, lonely, lost or hurting. She just loves me, is always glad to see me, understands when I can't be as happy as her. She just loves and loves and loves. If only we humans could learn from our furry friends what a better world it would be. And my Jesus...through Him all things are possible. Sometimes I forget that He is there and I ask for His forgiveness. When I get caught up in myself, my situation, my questions, my fears...I am learning to talk to Him more and more and put my trust in His capable hands. That God is in charge of all things, and His divine plan will be laid out for me to see if I just have patience and believe.

To have two such wonderful sources in one person's life...that is a blessing. I hope you have your source of loyalty as well. It sure does make the good days better and the not so good days easier to handle. Have a good week and remember...you are important and you are loved.

GBE Week 14 Growing Wild

Growing wild....don't you just love wild flowers? They are one of God's precious gifts. I watch for wildflowers all through the year and notice the tiniest of them in the yard...beside the road or in a distant field on a road trip. But that's not where this blog is going to be heading...NOPE! We're going to talk about life, the road up ahead and "Growing Wild" and how I would like to incorporate into my own life.

Often when we get to the "upper" years of our lives, we are expected by society to act accordingly. According to whom and what book of reference I'd like to ask? Who says just because I turned the big 50 this year that I have to bring out the rocker, accept my gray hairs and dress "my age"? Now mind you, I don't plan on enrolling in a pole dancing class, or ordering a new wardrobe from Victoria Secrets...but I don't think I'm ready to be put out to pasture just yet either! This gal has got a few more miles left in her game!

I've spent the vast majority of my adult life trying my best to behave. Act like the daughter, sister, wife, aunt, friend and mother that I was supposed to act like. And causing myself a some grief in the process. Simply because I was trying to live up to those society rules of life. Early in life, I was care free, living like the wind....zooming up and down, north to south and anywhere in between. I had the "live now...in this moment" attitude and have had many a fond memories to go along with that thought process.

Now that I have many years of life experiences under my belt, I feel that I can be a better judge on "growing wild"...with faith, grace,dignity and passing out the love that always has been abundant in my heart. To allow the best qualities in me out...to not keep them restrained or live in fear that if I allow my heart to show too much, I'll allow you out there to see too much of me. I don't want to live like that anymore. What was acceptable yesterday no longer applies. I don't have to answer to anyone but myself and God.

I don't want to "settle in and settle down". NO! I want to be like those lovely wildflowers in nature!  They look so delicate, but in reality they are quite capable of weathering storms and coming back up year after year to show off their inner strength along with that outward beauty. I don't want to "settle" at all as a matter of fact. I have a game plan for my life. That plan involves being honest..even when it hurts, realizing I don't have to give anyone an answer...I can simply say because I wanted to and not feel guilty about it! Letting go of things I have no control over, forgiving myself and others, not being defined by my past mistakes and not worrying so much about the trivial things in life that can bog us down. Allowing God to work on me each and every day so that I can bloom and grow wild with a zest for life and all it has to offer me.

Having a nice hot cup of herbal tea and rocking is lovely, but I won't let it define me. Nope, not I! Each day we are given a canvas. It is our job in life to fill that canvas up with all the colors of the rainbow and have fun creating our own unique work of art! Growing wild...want to come along on the journey? It's easy..just say YES! Thanks for stopping in my friends, remember you are loved and you are important! Have a great week!

No beginning, no ending...

This weeks GBE 2 assignment is a picture prompt write on the above lovely photograph! As usual, I am totally ill prepared and have not a clue where this is leading. So here we go gang! Enjoy the ride as my fingers do the typing!

The wedding ring, a circle that has no beginning, no ending..it is meant to stand for eternity. Two hearts joined together as one...standing by each other through the good times as well as the bad times. But life can  get complicated, one moment all seems well and the next...the legend of the ring isn't so firm standing anymore. Choices are made by one or both parties that can send the meaning of the wedding ring out into the abyss- sometimes whether we agree with that choice or not.

Maybe right now in life, one of you has a ring on and the other doesn't know where that ring is even located. Or maybe both rings are stored away safely with memories of a better time, or in some cases the memory is better left in the box (or the pawn shop) with the hurt from that time in life. Perhaps the rings are on a see-saw. One going up, the other down...not knowing if the rings will fall off the see-saw or maybe they will slide a little toward each other with time and find their way back to the finger they once were on.

In black and white terms what I'm saying here is that I believe in love. Love that can withstand the test of time, true love will have bumps and bruises, even a few war scars, but it deserves a chance to bloom full, be appreciated, protected and preserved. It deserves to  have a chance. So if you are at a crossroad, don't be afraid to take a stand for that set of rings if that is what your heart is telling you. Weather the storm and hold on tight, try to be patient. God works in His tiime, not ours.  Take the higher road and go down that crossroad with love, kindness and grace. And don't be too prideful to admit you're not perfect and you've made mistakes, and ask for forgiveness for yourself as well as the person wronged. It might not solve anything, but you'll be doing the right thing--for YOURSELF. You never know what might be around the next curve that life throws. No beginning...no ending...that can also be known as faith and hope..and a deep belief in a crazy little thing called love..

I realize some of you will not agree with my take on this topic, and that is okay. All I ask is that no matter how painful it might be, try to keep your heart open. Most of the time, blessings pop into your life when you aren't looking or expecting them!  As always, remember you are important and you are loved. Have a good week my friends!

Intuition..Can you hear me?

This weeks GBE 2 assignment was to write a blog on the word "intuition". Once again I did an "ugh" because it seemed to be beyond my thinking power at the moment or more honestly, not anything I felt I wanted to write about!  So my friends as usual, the fingers will do the typing and together we will see where this one goes!

There are times in life when you walk into a situation and you get a feeling you shouldn't be there. Or perhaps you meet a person that everyone has spoken highly about and you get that thing in your tummy that this person just isn't your cup of tea. On the other side of the spectrum, we may meet a person or go to a location and feel that in this particular situation it"s like a second skin to us. It seems so comfortable...no adjustment time needed. Kind of like putting on your favorite old pair of jeans or PJ's. I refer to this feeling as my God voice. There have been times I listened with great concentration and obeyed it and was so happy that I did, but then there have been many occasions I decided I was just being paranoid, silly, or stubborn and went full speed ahead! To crash into that brick wall that was sitting there waiting for me. Yes indeed...I should have listened!

I don't know about you guys, but I am one of those gals that can make a decision and talk myself right out of it in a microsecond, only to end up doing what I first thought I should! Or I have been known to make a u-turn and head back home because of a split second decision. So indecisive! It has been rumored that this word has "female" as part of the definition in the dictionary! That seems unfair for females as many women I know go for it and don't second guess themselves at all! My thoughts are that it is more a matter of not trusting your inner gut feeling...that God voice! And if you don't trust, you can't make a good decision.

What I can tell you right now in this moment in my life is that my "God voice" is getting louder. It is telling me to TRUST, to be patient and the plans for me will all be laid out. However, it seems the flesh of me somehow gets ahold of a megaphone and keeps me walking a zig zag trail that goes in circles. Like when a person is reading a book and wants badly to skip to the last chapter to see how it will all come out. When that happens, I need to get myself quiet (well as quiet as my mind will allow!) and refocus. I remind myself that I know that I have the strength to conquer any task thrown my way-even if I don't feel that way in that moment in time.  I've had to fight for most things my entire life. This section in my life is no exception to the rule. And in the scheme of life in God's eye, this moment is a blip...not a forever feeling that I feel as a human. Easy? Not by a long shot. But I will forge ahead and put more and more trust in my God voice. For it does say "Trust in Him at all times…. pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us." –Psalm 62:8. God knows my heart, I know that. I also know that He knows EXACTLY where I need to go. All I need is for someone to send Him a Fed-Ex package filled to the brim with glowing chalk that way He can use it light the way to the path I should be on. And God, please remember that not only am I near sighted with a stigmatism, but now I need reading glasses on top of it all! Make that path glow, make it glow, make it GLOW!

So as for intuition, it seems to me some of us are more in tune with it than others...and that's okay. Not one of us is perfect, we are occasionally going to take a tumble. Get up and keep walking! Take one day at a time, and for those of us out there that struggle with our gut or God voice...let's try a little harder to believe in ourselves and what that inner voice is telling us! After all, those brick walls leave me with one big ugly lump on my forehead and a heck of a headache! Have a great remainder of the week my friends and as always, remember you are important and you are very loved!

My Bakery

When I saw this weeks topic for GBE 2-BAKERY, I wasn't going to participate. I couldn't think of one thing to come up with. Then it hit me this morning. I wanted to share a story of a bakery in my minds eye. I have recently been witness to many friends "coming out of the closet" so to speak in sharing struggles in life they are about to face or are going through. How my heart aches for these friends and their struggles. So this story shall be a "coming out of the closet" so to speak for Taina. I will allow my fingers to do the typing and we'll see where it goes.

Recently my life went from content, happy and looking forward to a bright and promising tomorrow, to I'm not sure what tomorrow holds or where I'll be. Each day has been a struggle. Through God, close friends and family support, I am taking life day by day and sometimes moment by moment. It's been tough, I've gone from smiling and seeing the glass overflowing and able to always be the person to tell those around me to "hold on, the sun will come out brightly soon", to only having gray skies in life.  But enough of that, let's talk about my bakery.

I do have to start this tale out by saying I've started a new journey with God, getting to know Him much better, understanding the Bible and what it says to me, and trying to rearrange my life by praying daily to have eyes, ears, heart, hands and a mouth that are full of compassion, fairness, love and grace. So in putting together my basic recipe, God would have to be the top ingredient, with compassion, fairness, love and grace following. Each day as I start to put things together, thoughts of sadness, being vengeful, bitterness, despair and unforgiving things pop in my bowl (head or mouth) and I have to start anew on my dough. We can't put out baked goods with contaminated dough can we? It sounded like such an easy recipe, but gosh my hands are tired already from kneading, my arms tired from stirring and it seems my day has just begun.

Then of course there is the business itself. There are days when my sign says OPEN-COME ON IN, yet there are days when I will flip that sign to CLOSED-BE BACK SOON. Some people say "it's a choice" and yes it is..but for right now, it's a struggle and that is my truth. I'll be in a good place and then a thought will come to mind, I'll read, witness or I see something on the TV or hear a song on the radio that will just burst me into tears. I have thoughts that I'm not able to be a good pastry chef so why in the world try to bake anyway? Why would God entrust me with my own business to run? But I know that it's okay to feel that way. He loves me and He knows I can do this. What's important is to keep trying. Even those tiny steps help..they mean you moved forward.

Now to talk about customers. Oh yes, there will be those that come in with their noses in the air, ready to judge, thinking my shop's business would be much better and fun smoother if only run their way. My decor isn't fancy enough, my pastries don't look as good as the ones in the shop down the road. They might even throw an insult or two my way. I have to call to mind a saying I've tried to live by..."whatever floats your boat and makes you happy is okay with me, but please show me the same courtesy and allow my boat to go it's way as well". I have to allow these customer's not to detour me from my course, but allow them leave my shop, sending them on their way with love and light.  That isn't always easy. But it is the right choice to make for me and how I want to treat all customers that enter my shop. As for my regular customers, that's easy! They would forgive me if my cookies might be dry one day, or my loaves lumpy. They would be happy for me and how I'm trying and would stand beside me in love and support and want what I want in life.

Chef hat on-check! Apron tied around waist-check!  There might be flour flying all over the place, the kitchen is a wreck, you may see smoke (and possibly flames) coming out of the windows at those times when I loose track of the baked goods because I am feeling overwhelmed. But I will try to put that OPEN-COME ON IN sign up every day and keep it there. One day at a time, one moment at a time. Have a great week my friends and remember, you are important and you are loved.

100 things to say

Love each other with all you have.

When you make a promise, keep it.

Don't let others view cloud your focus.

Try to do the right thing.

Apologize when you've done wrong.

Forgive when needed.

Have faith in your life, it is much more important than religion.

See the heart, not the package.

Validation is important in life.

Set your priorities in life in the correct order.

It's hard to face the clouds and see silver linings at times.

You aren't weird if you don't fit into that hole, the hole was carved incorrectly my friend.

We are all uniquely special.

Remember, you are loved my friends.